Oh, it will come, I assure you, deT, it will come.
But first of all, there are all the small things to go through. The big day is the day that he takes you away. Am not a Christian, and I am not going to insist on that, Sis. That will be up to you.
After he has discussed, and we have agreed on the bride price, and how he is to pay it (installments, for some tribes, past the birth of the first babies...)
The big day. We invite the whole village. And the family. And the extended family.
We start early, (East African Standard Time; 2 hours after the stated time), and of course they will do us the honour of coming 3 hours afterwards. That is the definition of ‘fashionably late.’
When the whole village is gathered, and the ‘Bako’ arrived, and I have put on my traditional clothes to welcome them, (I am resplendent in leopard skins and ostrich feathers. I know, many girls have told me. Sigh!), then, and only then will the ‘Introduction’ ceremony start.
I will not bore you with the details- they are intricate, and vary with tribe and place.
We will be told everything about his family. His great and grandparentage. And we shall be informed that he has come for something special from our home.
After a lot of haggling, (mock haggling), since everything is pre-arranged, we shall at last come to you identifying him in the middle of all his brothers and sisters.
Now, some tribes in the east are reputed to follow a certain custom.
You are supposed to identify him, and then run off.
He will chase you, and not catch you until you are far into the banana plantations. Then he will wrestle you to the ground (You have to struggle and soak him a few in the gut. No sister of mine is going to appear easy!)
And then he will have his way with you, and you will come back as his wife. "Rape of the Willing" we call it. Or we will have some other such custom. But the end result is that he goes with you.
I have to warn you sister, me, I have no sympathy with the new fangled Christian tradition things. If you want, you will go to church, and invite me or your dad to give you away. If you don’t want, that is up to you. It doesn’t matter to me.
But it is important to some people. Like little sis, Princess here. And some of my aunties. So, we shall have to choose a Ssenga for you who will not mind the traditional way. Some of them will insist on that. Imagine, one of them once insisted on not having the beer at a wedding– just because she was a Christian!
Now sis, I know all this has been a bit of a shock, and revelation to you, of course. But don’t worry. Now that you have told me, everything will be done, officially. And we will not have to beat him up, for thinking our family is nothing…
So, what do you say, sister?